TOP 5 APRIL FOOLS PRANKS

Calling all jokesters and insensitive assholes!! Your favorite holiday of the year has arrived! For most people, April 1st is the sign of spring, where the snow (not so much in Montreal) disappears and you start to transition your closet into your lighter clothing! However, for a small part of the population, this date signifies a day of carte blanche where almost every joke and/or prank can somehow manage to be excusable.
From telling your in-laws you’re pregnant, to putting plastic wrap on the toilet seat, to even news outlets publishing ridiculously false stories, so many people get a kick out of playing jokes on their loved ones. I don’t know about you but often I end up being the one pranked and not doing the pranking myself. And each year, I always warn myself a day in advance to look out for any suspicious behavior and each year I fall for it time and time again! Well this year I’m putting my foot down and doing a little reverse role play here!
Considering most of us are glued to our phones and rely on them way too much, I figured why not use this to my advantage and find ways to annoy people with the one thing I know they’ll lose patience over! Here is a list of the 5 best April Fools pranks you can pull on your family and friends by doing simple things to their iPhone!
#1: Contact Shuffle:
Step 1. Go into their Contacts app on their phone
Step 2. Find your name in their contact list
Step 3. Change your name to someone else and watch them be so confused as to how your conversations don’t align
#2: Auto-Correct Shortcuts 
Step 1. Go on your friend’s phone and go to Settings > General > Keyboard > Add New Shortcut
Step. 2 Change “no” to any word you want (could be something inappropriate or even “yes” works)
#3: Endless Typing:
There’s really nothing more annoying than anxiously waiting a text from someone when you see they are busy typing away, so why not make that suspense last forever?
Step 1. Download a GIF of three typing dots
Step. 2 Write to your friend saying “Did you hear what happened last night?” or “I need to talk to you”
Step 3. Send the GIF and watch them squirm
#4: Frozen Home screen 
Step 1. Take a screenshot of your friend’s home screen (press the Power + Home buttons at the same time)
Step 2. Hold the Home button until their apps start wiggling.
Step 3. Drag all their Home Screen apps to the right onto another screen. Press the Home button when done to stop the wiggling.
Step 4. Go to Settings > Wallpapers & Brightness > Choose A New Wallpaper and set their Home Screen wallpaper to the screenshot you just took.
Conclusion: Now, when they tap the apps on their home screen, nothing will happen
#5: Trapped in an App 
Step 1. On your friend’s phone, go to Settings > General > Accessibility
Step 2. Turn on Guided Access.
Step 3. Open a boring app (like Weather)
Step 4. Press the Home button 3x.
Step 5. Enter a passcode.
Conclusion: Now your friend can’t quit the app without the passcode.
Written by Emilie Berbrier
PS….

iTunes for Oral Sex?

The things our phone’s do these days are seriously incredible. From FaceTiming across long distances, capturing moments with a relatively good lens, to being able to run a business and network through your device, it is seriously quite incredible. Our phones have become an essential part of our communicative world and our go to accessory when leaving the house. According to recent news on iTunes, our phones are even making an appearance in our sex lives. We’re not talking about your average late night chat over the phone, your inappropriate snaps or sexy FaceTime calls, we’re talking about apps that are specifically designed to induce arousal.
Yes you read that correctly! There is now an “iTunes for Oral Sex” section. A couple of months ago the webcam platforms CamSoda released an app called O-Cast. This app invites users to use their imagination and some oral dexterity to mimic the action of giving a woman oral pleasure. Users are encouraged to actually lick their phone screens as the app records them and then upload it to the website for people to choose to send to their own or other connected vibrators through a Bluetooth connection!
442696
Pros To O-Cast:
  1. You can customize the job just to your likings
  2. You don’t need a man or a woman to get satisfaction
  3. You can experience new ways of pleasure from strangers without having to leave your house
  4. It’s all online and allows you to be anonymous
  5. No complaining about having a sore jaw 😉
Cons To O-Cast:
  1. You may (probably will) look absolutely ridiculous doing this to your phone screen
  2. Do you know how many germs are on your phone? This requires serious sterilization before licking your screen
  3. Seems like a lot of work to get the accuracy of it
  4. Might be a weird feeling receiving virtual pleasure from a complete stranger
  5. Its slightly embarrassing to realize how lazy society has become that you now need to result to your phone for some action
So ladies and gents, if you’re feeling tired of the same old vibrations and maneuvers of your vibrators or real life partners, look no further then right down at your very own screen!
Written by Emilie Berbrier

Happy Birthday Jen!

Today, this babe turns 48. Yup – you read that right F-O-U-R-T-Y- E-I-G-H-T.

In honour of her birthday we’d like to share some of our favourite Jennifer moments & why we love her.

#1 When she had to pretend to be engaged to impress her boss (oh boy have times changed)

#2 Pre- “we were on a break”

#3 Ultimate breakup revenge (also, great ad for Pepsi)

#4 Post – “we were on a break”

#5 When she could do more than cook

#6 When she did the Hula 

#7 When she proved she had “Unagi”

#8 When she proved she had a kinky side

#9 …and a sexy side

#10 Plus she’s an awesome friend (pun intended)

She’s also a really great writer – a must read in Huffington Post is her For The Record article. #WeLoveHer

10 Reasons Why Space Jam is Our Jam

#1 I BELIEVE

Number 1 will ALWAYS and FOREVER be because “I Believe I Can Fly”- R. Kelly is the opening song. How in the world can your heart not flutter when that song comes on? The first 30 seconds of Space Jam makes you feel like you can do anything, be anyone. It was the beginning of my beautiful relationship with 90’s R&B.

#2 IT’S ALL A JOKE

The joke about celebrity endorsement. When Stan goes to get Michael for a baseball game he says: “C’mon, Michael, it’s game time. Slip on your Hanes, lace up your Nikes, take your Wheaties and your Gatorade, and we’ll grab a Big Mac on the way to the ballpark [hot dogs]”. If only we were able to catch that when we were 12 years old. Not to mention the running joke about Michael’s baseball career, or lack of one.

#3 FASHION

Daffy Duck literally embodies north American fashion. His fashion show was so out of nowhere but it was the majority of 90’s baby’s favorite scene. Can we all just pay attention to the band aids on his fingers please, like LOL what is that even?

#4 DANNY DAVITO

14044_203652

Swackhammer, the evil boss of Moron Mountain is voiced by Danny Davito. Any and every movie featuring Danny Davito is my jam. Not many people can disagree with that, they even look alike.

#5 WHY NOT?

article-2279622-000a825600000258-456_964x609

Michael Jordan, his children and every human that entered or saw the Looney Tunes were not fazed by them. This really made the viewer feel like this could be the real thing. The Looney Tunes could really exist. Michael didn’t even question it! If Michael f*cking Jordan isn’t questioning it then neither should we. He was like okay why not, I’ll play basketball with you.

#6 MOTIVATION

1415949135228

The “secret stuff”. Bugs casually fills up a water bottle with tap water and writes “Michael’s Secret Stuff” on it to give the Tune Squad to motivate them. Guess what? It works! After this scene every 12-year-old was CONVINCED that they could be an NBA player with a little motivation. Between R. Kelly and the secret stuff we could be an NBA player too.

#7 LOLA BUNNY!

For the first time in history Bugs has a girlfriend and she is stunning. Bugs starts out by calling her doll and she totally stands up for herself #girlpower. Then Bugs becomes really romantic and they fall in love. We could all learn a thing or two from both of them.

#8 THE FIRST SCENE

whatthefisthebigdealaboutspacejam-0104

Michael’s father was so cute, can he please be my father? JK dad I love you, but really he’s the inspiring father that every pre-teen wants. He encouraged him to fly… Which all led to the final, epic game against the Monstars.

#9 THE SOUNDTRACK

The music. Period. R. Kelly, Seal, Salt-N-Pepa, Barry White, and the list goes on. The soundtrack went double platinum, for a cartoon movie that’s pretty impressive.

#10 THE SLAM DUNK

Last but not least Michael Jordan’s final slam dunk. He makes a deal with Swackhammer and puts his own life on the line for the Looney Tunes and the other NBA players. 10 seconds left on the clock and the ball goes back and forth between players, finally Michael gets the ball and jumps. His arm stretches a looney length and slam dunks the winning basket! It’s the scene that we all wait for watching the movie. Michael Jordan’s arm being able to stretch shows his inner connection that was created with Bugs and the gang. Truly inspiring.

P.S. MICHAEL JORDAN’S BODY.

That’s all folks!

…🐝

Our Favorite Mannequin Challenges

From pouring a bucket of freezing cold water over your head in order to raise money for ALS or shoving a spoon of cinnamon down your throat without coughing to death, Internet challenges have become one of the latest social media trends and quite frankly, we’re loving it! With every video posted it encourages the next participant to one up it with some additional feature! The latest trending Internet challenge is the mannequin challenge! I don’t know what it is about this, but I seriously cannot get enough of this! This idea originated from a group of kids in a high school and then exploded within a couple of days!
How does it work? Well you gather up a group of people (could be a few people to a whole football team) and you tell everyone to strike a pose that looks like you were caught in mid action! Then, one person yells freeze and walks around recording everyone remaining as still as they can in order to look like real-life mannequins! From celebrities, to students this trend is becoming one of my all-time favorite challenges to ever hit the Internet!
Here are some of our favorite videos!

#5 Destiny’s Child

#4 Stephen & Ayesha Curry

#3 White House

#2 This Adorable Dog

#1 These Adorable Pooches

+ These Bonus Cuties

Written by Emilie Berbrier

The Lady’s Guide to Bumble

pict1Bumble really messed up our game when they decided that the lady has
to make the first move. I know it’s basically 2017 and we’re supposed to be feminists and all but it’s basic evolution; men are the hunters and women are gatherers. We need to get over it, it’s getting cold out and Bumble is the new Tinder. My girlfriend sent me this screen shot the other day and I instantly thought “shit, we need to step our game up”.

We laugh at the opposite sex’s pickup lines, but we need to look in the mirror. C’mon single ladies, let’s make Beyoncé proud!

I gathered up my research (bumble screen shots) and decided to compile a guide for the single women who mass bumbles the girl waving emoji. I know you’ve done it; screen shots don’t lie.

#1 Check out their profile

pict3

pict4

Majority of the time their profiles have an info section, which really helps us out on deciding if we’re going right or left. Pick something out from it and ask them a question, most questions don’t go unanswered. Bonus points if it’s a funny question. Since we’re all so hilarious let’s make our matches laugh. Once you’ve made him laugh, it’s over, you basically have a boyfriend. Just kidding you don’t, but trust me it’s a good start.

 

#2 Call them out

pict8

pict2

Be a badass b*tch. If you can’t think of any hilarious questions, call them out on something. All their pictures are group shots? Be like “You must be the balding one, but it’s okay I like shiny heads”. Kind of a back-handed compliment I know but how can they not respond to that? They have either a puppy or a baby in one of their pictures? “You must have done your research”, When they ask you what you’re talking about answer with “who’s baby did you borrow?”. They speak 45 different languages? Tell them they’re intimidating and this is f*cking bumble not their ivy league school application.

 

#3 Send a GIF

 pict5Okay so they’ve got nothing in their profile to work with. It’s all good, we can still do this. Who doesn’t like Gif’s? They’re funny as f*ck and pretty god damn relatable. You guys matched at 6am, what’s better then Jimmy Fallon waving good morning to you before you’ve had your coffee? Trust me Jimmy Fallon’s face is much cuter then mine when I wake up #relatable. You’re super PMS and feel like a beached whale naked in your bed with your heating pad? Send over the GIF of the seal waving “sup”, They’ll have no idea that it’s your spirit animal in the moment but you’ll be like #relatable (in your head, they don’t have to know that). They’ll either answer you back with a Gif and you can judge them on their choice and choose to either unmatch or fall in love, or answer you with words and you got yourself a conversation happening!

#4  Pretend you know them

pict6

“Hey again”, “You look super familiar”, “fancy meeting you here”. Maybe you have met them before, maybe you haven’t. It’s a small world, we basically all know each other. The opposite sex is a curious one, so they’ll definitely have a follow up to that. If you do know them follow up with something cute, not like a “how’ve you been”, you’re not basic. If you met them at a bar try something along the lines of “we should go back there, I bet I can beat you at pool” (even if you can’t who cares). If you have no idea who they are and they’re from Chicoutimi, maybe this isn’t the best one liner for you but who knows you can try, maybe you have been to Chicoutimi I don’t know.

#5 Do what you need to do girl 🙋

pict7

Go with the waving emoji, I’m not saying it can’t work. It’s cuffing season, you can even send them the bride emoji and they’ll answer.

Full disclosure, I still don’t have a boyfriend, even though my pick-up lines are on point. BUT I got bumble literally a week ago and I had a date with emoji guy (not for me). I “rain checked” on pizza oven guy, he was asking so many questions and like who even has time for that. I’m going out with Gif guy Sunday, no lie I actually kind of like him. Not going to jump to conclusions or anything but it’s getting pretty serious (we’re texting). Serious may be the wrong use of the word but I like to stay positive. I just can’t with the other two guys, but hey 1/5 is a pretty good ratio for 2016.

Good luck my (not for long) single ladies!

Forever & Always,

🐝

The First Wives Club turns 20!

First Wives Club
Starring Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton and Bette Midler. 

© Paramount Pictures

Before anything I would just like to mention that there are major spoiler alerts in this post…

20 years ago today we were introduced to Cynthia, Annie, Elise & Brenda. The movie begins with Annie, Brenda & Elise receiving beautiful pearl necklaces from Cynthia in honour of their college graduation. They toast to each other saying they are bounded together for life “by friendship, love.. and jewelry – and will always.. always be there for each other for the rest of their lives”. Sadly they’re not…

pic-1

Cynthia’s husband ends up leaving her for a younger woman and gets remarried within weeks of their divorce. Depressed and alone she ends up giving her pearls to her cleaning lady and mails out letters to her college friends before plunging to her death from her penthouse.

20 years later Brenda, Annie & Elise come together when they receive Cynthia’s letters and realize not only do they have a lot in common but they can all benefit from one another. Planning the ultimate revenge on their ex-husbands and realizing a true friendship never goes out of style.

Annie

Separated from her husband finds out he is having an affair with THEIR therapist.

Elise

Oscar award winner & plastic-surgery addict who’s husband left her for the younger and hotter version.

Brenda

Husband goes through a mid-life crisis and leaves her because he feels she’s “making him feel old”.

_______

In honour of their 20 year anniversary I would like to share my top 5 moments of the movie and valuable life lessons along with them.

_______

#1 Because dessert doesn’t ask questions… dessert understands. 

#2 #AllOfTheFeelings is always better than #NoFeelings 

#3 Sometimes you need a good wake up call… especially from your girls. 

#4 If the music is good, you dance! 

#5 And last but not least, no one owns you. 

_______

 

 

To all the youg-ins reading this blog – this is the Original ladies anthem #YouAreWelcome

Louis CK on Technology

At the beginning of every new school semester the first week is always the most unsettling. On the one hand most of your first day of classes don’t consist of anything important because all you do is sit and read the course syllabus. However, on the other hand panic starts to set in when you realize how much work you have ahead of you, and how you would do anything to go back just three days to when summer and freedom still existed.
I most certainly cannot say the following statement for every class, but for the most part my Communication classes at Concordia have always managed to grab my attention with what kind of material we will be covering over the course of the semester. While I was in one of my Communication’s introductory classes yesterday, my teacher started her lecture by discussing what technologies are to us and how much importance we put on them in our lives! After asking several more questions following this train of thought she showed us the following video clip!

In this interview between Conan O’Brien and comedian Louis C.K, they discuss the presence of media technologies in the 21st century. Louis C.K expresses how advanced our technological world is, however, he feels that these revelations are being wasted on this generation… and let me tell you he’s not wrong!
He speaks about how people snap so quickly at their phones for not working fast enough or how when our wifi signal goes out we completely lose our patience! And we’ve all been, we’re all guilty of this tantrum like behavior. But do we ever just take a moment in our crazy, fast paced lives to just appreciate the existence behind the device we hold in our hands, drive to work or travel through space and time in?
The answer is no. We’ve completely taken for granted the miracle of science and engineering that we have been so fortunate to have in our lives and instead we only focus on the most up to speed and advanced models of the devices we already own. This interview segment makes me laugh so much because everything he’s saying is so accurate. The fact that we’re able to sit in a chair in the sky blows my mind! But yet, it’s become so second nature to us that we forget how lucky we are to have this privilege instead of needing to hop on trains and boats and spends weeks not hours getting from one destination to the next.
In our 2016 headspace, we are so consumed with technological mediums that we forget what life used to be like without the access to everything at our fingertips. Don’t get me wrong, I’m the first to admit that I love my phone and computer, but I also know how to pull myself out of that networked environment and see the mediums for all that they’re worth!
Just take a moment to watch this video, because you know what they say… there’s a little bit of truth to every joke!
Written by Emilie Berbrier

Welcome Back Curb, We’ve Missed You

If you haven’t already heard, after a five year hiatus, Curb Your Enthusiasm is coming back for another season! The news was broken by HBO and Larry David in a Tuesday morning press release, and although we don’t know when the season will kick off, we hope it’s before Game of Thrones ends so we can spend an hour crying over some major character’s death and then the next half hour laughing hysterically at Larry’s antics.

Asked why he decided to reboot the longest running show on HBO, David said, “In the immortal words of Julius Caesar, ‘I left, I did nothing, I returned.’”

Classic LD humility, but not really true. Since 2011, which is when season 8 ended, David co-wrote and starred in the HBO film Clear History with John Hamm (2013), wrote and co-starred in his own Broadway show with Jason Alexander (George from Seinfeld), made us crack up as Bernie Sanders on SNL, and probably executed dozens of flawless chat-and-cuts that were sadly not caught on film.

If you’re a big Larry David nerd have the patience to tolerate him for longer than half an hour, Bill Simmons did a podcast back in summer 2015 where David hinted at a new season of Curb (and brilliantly defended the Seinfeld finale.)

Curb, like Seinfeld and It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, is a show that could easily go on forever because nothing really ever moves forward. The characters never mature in any significant way, never learn from their lessons, and while the relationships may change, you know they’ll all die single eventually. Some people love that, some people don’t, but Larry David sure as hell doesn’t care either way.

So, what to expect from season 9? More of the same old takes on fresh social bullshit, of course. And with the world getting more and more ridiculous in 2016 (think selfie sticks/memes/drones/dating apps), prepare to laugh a lot. Although David has always tried to make his topics timeless, season 9 of Curb has the potential to be like @Seinfeld2000 for real.

A few ideas for season 9. (These are free, Larry, free! And gold, Jerry, gold!)

  • Larry looks for a way to get his constant rage out and accidentally joins ISIS after watching a recruitment video.
  • Larry doesn’t understand why “Damn, Daniel” is so funny and annoys everyone about it.
  • Larry gets ghosted on Tinder and demands justice any way he can get it.
  • Larry is tired of Suzie documenting every moment with her drone camera on a ski trip so he destroys it and frames Jeff.
  • Larry tries to score tickets for Hamilton and is convinced he’s being sabotaged.
  • Larry sees Cheryl on Bumble and gets frustrated that he can’t message her.

Buckle up and prepare to be simultaneously crying of laughter, slightly offended, and very disgusted. Welcome back Curb Your Enthusiasm!

Which Game of Thrones woman are you?

In exactly ONE MONTH, Game of Thrones is returning for another season of violence, drama, drinking, sex, magic, sex, dragons, and sex, and it’s going to be sexy. If you’ve watched all five seasons of this show and are still under the impression that the men of Westeros hold the power, then you need to check yourself. Yes, the battle for the Iron Throne is fought between men, but behind every man is a woman ten times as powerful and badass pulling the strings. Even forced to walk naked through the pre-sewer system streets of King’s Landing, Cersei still has more power than Tommen. And Melisandre could ask to take Stannis’ balls home and he would gladly wrap them up in a doggie bag for her.

We’ve put together a list of our favourite women from Westeros to Essos and broken down their personalities in modern-day terms. Read ahead to see which Game of Thrones woman you are!

Sansa Stark

sansa

Boy, you sure grew up fast. You’re a naïve dreamer at heart, fantasizing about settling down with your prince charming in some idyllic castle in some fantasyland. Unfortunately, things rarely seem to work out like they do in your dreams. You rarely stay in relationships for too long, and when you do, they’re with abusive bums who are no good for you.

Every year you think you’ve grown up and moved past your childish errors, only to make the same ol’ mistakes. You are constantly being manipulated. Whenever you think you’re being clever or brave or sexy, it’s only because someone else is making you feel that way for their own ends.

Ideal first date: Dinner at the mall food court. You’ll pay because he forgot his debit card. You’ve learned to settle for less.

How you spend your Sunday afternoon: Spent crocheting your boyfriend a scarf.

Your job: Selling stuff on Etsy.

Cersei Lannister

cersei

Family comes first. In every sense. You don’t have many friends, and the few that you do have you wouldn’t hesitate to manipulate to get ahead. Everybody knows not to cross you, and even though there’s plenty of juicy gossip, nobody would dare talk behind—or even around—your back.

Ideal first date: He overhears that your sister is getting married next weekend and asks to be your +1 to her wedding so he can get to know your extended family.

How you spend your Sunday afternoon: Looking through old family photo albums with your brother. Blacking out the faces of the family members who have wronged you.

Your job: The CEO of a Fortune 500 company.

Daenerys Targaryen

daenarys-1024

You are full of contradictions. Like a freaky blend of Bernie Sanders and Genghis Khan, you’re both the most compassionate and the most blood-thirsty person in the room at all times. You volunteer your time for good causes but in between delivering Meals on Wheels you’re on the phone firing your assistant for not separating the recycling properly. You like to surround yourself with people you trust, but are scared of taking their advice because you don’t actually trust them deep down.

Ideal first date: A romantic, candle-lit dinner where you impress and dominate your date by holding your fingers over the flames without flinching.

How you spend your Sunday afternoon: Listening to Drake’s “Trust Issues” while swiping through Bumble.

Your job: The high-powered lawyer they hire to sue BP after a big oil spill. (Also one of the dragons on Dragons’ Den in your spare time.)

Margaery Tyrell

margaery

You’re effortlessly pretty, popular, smart, compassionate, funny, and easygoing. Pretty much the total package. You’re always smiling and polite, but beneath your carefully constructed facade you are hella manipulative. You’re the type of girl who’s never single for long, and your boyfriends’ friends and family all love you immediately—except for his mother. Other women feel threatened by you, and are constantly trying to trip you up and embarrass you in public.

Ideal first date: You surprise him with two tickets to a baseball game. Or whatever sport he’s into.

How you spend your Sunday afternoon: On the phone with your grandma.

Your job: Actress for Neutrogena commercials.

Melisandre

melisandre-1920

You are unshakeable and give off a quiet yet powerful (and sort of creepy) sense of calm. You’ve always had this sense that everything in life will go your way somehow, and that there’s no sense in stressing about the small things. You never cared about making friends or partying in college, and the last time you went out to a bar the guy who tried to buy you a drink mysteriously disappeared without a trace.

Ideal first date: Watching a Hitchcock movie.

How you spend your Sunday afternoon: In a sensory deprivation chamber.

Your job: Life coach.

Brienne of Tarth

EP302

EP302

You are loyal, brave, and tireless. You will defend your friends and family to your last breath, even when they don’t necessarily want you around, and are afraid of nothing except exploring your own tormented past. You are happiest alone, and look forward to growing old with your trusty old pitbull. People have always underestimated you, and although it pisses you off, you love getting a chance to prove your haters wrong.

Ideal first date: Dating is for suckers.

How you spend your Sunday afternoon: Hitting the gym.

Your job: Whatever Ryan Gosling did in Drive.

Olenna Tyrell

olenna

You don’t tolerate drama, weakness, nonsense, stupidity, fools, children, internet videos, cute animals, fast food, hostel beds, fake jewelry, cheap wine, or social media. You’re known for your sharp tongue and sarcasm, and while everybody respects you they’re also a little afraid of you. You have a powerful inner circle of friends and family who you can joke around with, but in public you are ruthless, impatient, and always get what you want.

Ideal first date: Dinner at whatever restaurant is the hardest to get a reservation at.

How you spend your Sunday afternoon: Shopping on 5th Avenue.

Your job: President of some small, wealthy European country.